Thing People Do Not See : 02

Thing People Do Not See : 02

• 7.01.2013

Holla, I'm back with another pathetic life story of mine about my current life issue, well I'm not forcing you to read this so, as usual before i start this long lengthy post I would advise that those who doesn't want to get indulge with my stupid life problems please close the tab :-) Thank you!

I would like to thank all of you guys for your support and comments on my previous "Miserable" Blogpost :'-) Thank you so much!

I feel so much better after reading all of it at least I know I'm not going through this tough period alone because i have support from such awesome friends & followers like you guys *hugs*

http://www.arisachow.com/2013/06/miserable.html

As you all know I'm a girl of irony, i can tell people to avoid something but I myself would fall into that trap. I'm not complaining because personally deep down at least I'm happy that i could save someone from doing the same mistakes i did or prevent them before it's too late.

I'm still having my fair share of struggles and this it's almost the 3rd year since I developed this mental issue. I was indeed in denial for as long as i can remember but right now i do realised that my obsession (vanity) has cost me my health. I'm not kidding nor exaggerating about this because on the surface aside from looking like a walking skeleton and stress, I still live life normally that is because all those are just a facade that I put on daily. I have to admit it is the toughest thing to do, being somebody you are not just because you do not want to be judged by others :-( Sorry I'm weak minded and pathetic :-/

My worst nightmare came true :-( 

A most recent photo of me modeling for Pink N Proper during The Butterfly Project last saturday (left) and Isabelle Caro (right)

Gawd...those bones sticking out and I was blinded by the fact due to my vanity/slaps self. In US they would adore my current boney frame (I'm a size 0/XS lol so it's hard for me to find clothes now) and seriously, in photo shoots they look fab but in reality they look like a living nightmare! Not to mention the constant pain and bruises that i get all over my body.

I said that I'll never be like this french model on the right, Isabelle Caro who past was away in 2010 due to anorexia that she battled since she was 13. Her story inspired me to recover but that mindset was just a short term thing, later in 2012  I'll was back to being overly obsessed with losing more weight. You wouldn't believe if I told you my weight right now is 35kg. For my height, 165cm it's abnormally underweight but never gave much of it a thought until I started realising that I'm growing weaker and weaker every single day till the point i fall sick so often and all the signs are showing up.

Okay, so my monthly trip to the psychiatrist is basically to just stabilized my current condition as i tend to go berserk for some reason (why? i will not mention) lol after confessing all of this i feel like I'm such a weirdo -_- I'm not surprised if my fan page or blog followers starts decreasing because yea..you would be wondering "who the heck wanna follow such a screwed up girl?" LOL

This place looks familiar? :-D

The only thing i hate visiting doctors are the long waits =_= waited nearly 2 hours before it was my turn and i was the 2nd patient there. Heck.

And before leaving the hospital, the only thing the doctor to me is not to lose anymore weight until my next visit. Ha. Ha. I'm laughing.

It's a tough to estimate whether you are taking in enough calories a day for your body to function or not because not everything has a calorie label at the back on the packaging. Sadly in Malaysia most processed food doesn't even have their nutrient value  or ingredients stated at the back of their packaging and yet we consumers are ignorant to the fact that we are actually feeding our body with god knows what kind of stuffs -_- lol

But then it came to me that I nearly forgot that my Samsung Galaxy S4 has the built in free S Health application that helps monitor your daily calorie intake and amount of exercise needed in order to lose/maintain your ideal weight. Hallelujah for that! Because now I can eat outside without any worries ;-)

All I have to do is just type in the name of the particular i had and it will search the food database  for me (you can pre-set your own as well if the food can't be found on the database)

Next time you go grocery shopping, try looking at the labels on the back of the can/box instead of just the expiry date lol. You would be surprised that half the stuff stated at the back is not something you have heard of or known existed. Like i mentioned, most pre-packaged food in Malaysia have the tendency to exclude this lil bit of consumer information because they think it's not important.Wtf. 

That doesn't happen overseas as far I'm concern because they practice "consumer rights" unlike us who barely even know what that word means lol.

S4's useful free S health app!

Yay! Reached passed my goal! *pops confetti*

So far I guess my progress has been rather fine? I've been eating more if you stalk in my Instagram (@Arisa_Chow) you would notice I've been spamming it with pictures of yummy food XDD hehe~

But there are times I still get overly cautious of the food i eat because I'm not sure whether I'm overeating (binging) or feeding off my insane cravings that has been accumulated over the years lol.  

Hopefully I'll recover soon because eating meds are like the most horrible things in the world :-(

Looking nice in clothes is one thing but the price to pay for it is horrendous.

If you girls need someone to talk to about problems like these feel free to drop me an email (arisa1443@gmail.com), I'll be more than glad to help you girls out. Screw judgmental people, the only thing that matters is for you being yourself and knowing you are comfortable in your own skin :-)

Cheers!

XOXO,