7th Month | Life in Kyoto

7th Month | Life in Kyoto

• 12.04.2018

All i can say it's been a busy November and i've still yet to recover from it lol. So many things happened both good and bad, learned tons of new things especially on how to prepare the danna to care for lil penguin while i was away for a work assignment right after confinement. It is my first time in 6 months of living in Kyoto to be away from my home and family, feels so strange. 

I've been working non stop around the clock (mom duties as well) that i'm honestly abit burnt out, all i want to do is to not look at my emails or update my blog for a very long long time LOL but we all know that's never going to happen no matter how hard i try UNLESS i'm on my death bed la *choi touchwood*. Yes i get nagged alot by the danna and everyone around me to REST MORE but what is rest when i have work to deliver lol, i do try my best to keep my postings less long winded so i don't have to type so much and get straight to the point but it somewhat feels like the blog entry is missing "my essence"  in it. Well, i'm not complaining for the job opportunities that i've received in November and in fact more than grateful to my returning clients for believing in me.

More for the collection!

So once i've wrap up my current projects for 2018, i'll make sure to take a month or two off from blogging to rest my mind abit. My priority should be with my family as much as i want to earn some side income to splurge on my daughter lol. That reminds me i'm gonna start working full time again next year so i probably won't be able to update so frequently as well, kinda nervous just thinking of it because i'm not sure how things are gonna turn out for the new business.

This post is gonna sound abit disoriented here and there as my mind is fuzzy from not enough sleep but heck with it.

Prepping like a Champ

Before i left for Okayama i made sure to prepare enough frozen breastmilk for lil penguin as she was only 1 month old, and to be frank my supply this round is really borderline enough and hardly any extras to spare compared to my first where i was constantly engorged, pumping out almost 300-400ml EXTRAS a day. Not sure why this round is different but i'm persistent to fully breastfeed her as long as i can (adalah mix sikit sometimes lol).  It took me a month to actually stock up this much, these were collected after each feed which wasn't too bad. I learned from my last round to always separate and store them according to batches so it's easy to take out and use daily, i recall 2 years ago all i did was pump and throw them into the deep freezer so i had a hard time finding earlier batches as it was buried underneath the frozen pile. Rookie mistake indeed so i'm proud of myself for being so organized! *pats self on the back*

Food wise, though the danna said he can figure out his own meals i felt really bad as wife for leaving him to care for our baby alone and he had to work too but mine was unfortunately outstation this round. This is also my first time doing meal preps, it took me a few trips to buy all those reusable microwavable containers from Daiso (underestimate the qty each round) and groceries to cook. Not sure how some people do this cook for a week & freeze the food, it's really time consuming to just wash and chop the ingredients. Especially when you have a baby to care for in between cooking sessions, took me almost 5 hours in the kitchen just for this, but i'm glad that the danna ate everything up though i know my cooking isn't exactly the best he has ever eaten. Thank you for eating them without complaining.

Lil Penguin Meets Grandma & Grandaunt

I was actually kinda paranoid to leave the danna alone to care for the baby, MIL couldn't come over was she wasn't in good health so i asked my mom instead and so happened this period coincided with Deepavali school holidays. It was pretty last minute as i got my work assignment confirmation like less than a week before i had to leave, imagine how kelam kabut i was trying to get affordable last minute return flights for my mom and my aunt as 90% of direct routes costs RM5K which wasn't worth it at all! 

Mom was so excited at all the cheap Japanese snacks lol

The danna was new to newborn care and he too is exhausted handling everything alone, despite his assurance "i can do it, don't worry!" i felt it was more safer to have people with more experience around the house to overlook and take turns so he at least gets proper rest, it's always better to be safe than sorry. The only regret i had was not being able to spend more time with my mom as i only had 1 day to bring her around town before leaving, the next time she comes over again i'll make sure to clear my entire schedule for her. At least she got to meet her new granddaughter for the first time, previously it was just photos but i'm glad that she didn't mind spending almost a week taking care of lil penguin. If only my mom was retired, we don't mind her staying in Kyoto as she deserves a long break from home to relax in a different and better environment like Japan. 

After my mom & aunt left, look who came by for a short stay! 

Reiko who was with me during the Okayama trip and Jean came down from Fujisawa, it's like the old Jalan Genting Kelang group reunited again but in Japan lol because Jean & i already migrated here. 

Next we are waiting for Reiko to migrate lol, if only Jean was still staying in Kyoto (previously her husband own an Airbnb business here) i would have a kaki nearby to hang out with but sadly she moved to Fujisawa because they bought a house there T_T 

We went to the Rilakkuma cafe at Arashiyama and so happened it was their 1st anniversary as well!

Glad we at least had a short catch up, going around town though things are slightly different now as i have mom responsibilities so i have to plan my schedule according to my baby boss's approval but slowly getting a hang of it, can't wait till lil penguin is slightly older so she can join me outside more often.  

Speaking of going outside with lil penguin, we finally brought her out to enjoy some fresh air and also to catch the autumn foliage at it's peak in Kyoto. It's getting really cold so we couldn't stay out too long but glad to have some family trips like these, just the 3 of us.

 The view at Eikan-do Zenrin-ji temple

Using a baby carrier is more convenient for short trips outside, love my TULA carrier (from Bloom & Grow) alot because it looks so stylish in grey with floral designs on it.

We also brought her to meet her paternal great grandma for the very first time

Thankful for good babysitter services so i can rest on certain days or work without any distractions

Visited Nijo castle as they were having "FLOWERS by NAKED" light up exhibition that's running till 9th December 2018

Super crowded, not really fond of being around so many people so i'll just say "meh" to the exhibition. 

Received this in our mail, the danna applied for a free personalized story book online lol

Our house forever messy, normal sight i guess?

Myself

Every night i beat myself over for not doing better as a wife and mother, i'm honestly struggling though i don't show it often. I tell myself to be more patient and understanding but my frustration always gets the best of me first, and as a result an argument always breaks out. There are no words to express all these mixed emotions i feel on a daily basis at different times of the day, in the morning whenever i see lil penguin smile at me after each feed, all the negativity of yesterday melts away but as evening approaches i feel all gloom again especially when i can't soothe her wailing (only the danna can). I constantly ask myself why am i in such a whirlpool of mixed emotions, why can't i get out of it no matter how hard i try?

Mochi penguin, so sticky!

There are days i 'll just break down and cry in the shower, not knowing how to control this overwhelmed feelings. There are so many contributing factors and breastfeeding is actually one of it, i honestly don't seem to enjoy it as much as some people. 

It's both physically and mentally exhausting, especially during the time when i was away in Okayama so i had to pump every 3 hours just to maintain my supply of else it will dry up. The constant worrying of not having enough when i get home, debating whether i should just stop altogether if it's just stressing me out. I know the benefits of breastfeeding but maybe some of us are just not cut out for it, whether its our lifestyle, choice and whatnots, i'll give it another 1 more month before i call it quits. If i did stop at 3rd month at least lil penguin had fresh breastmilk for the first 3 months of her life. 

Also my period came back despite fully breastfeeding, i'm officially part of those unlucky percentage who are just "too fertile", having my supply drop after a week of no direct latching, followed by period imagine how fussy a baby can be sia...a real nightmare for both of us. 

Sigh, how i wish i could be period free for at least 6-12 months like the rest of my breastfeeding friends.

So that's all my update for my 7th month in Japan, it's a constant learning journey for myself and my family. We are not perfect especially me and i don't want to be defined by my flaws. 

Here is to another month of new challenges, wish me luck!

Somebody turned exactly 2 months old today!

Yours Truly,